There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
