Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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