So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
