K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
