In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
