dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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