Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
