the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
