i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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