His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
