I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
