You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
