Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
