Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize