well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
