It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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