Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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