I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize