brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
