Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish you could order shots online.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
