Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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