She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
