I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
