We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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