I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
