yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Let's get the cat blown out
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
