Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
