let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize