Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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