WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
