with your own penis?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
