but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Shame - the story of my life.
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