I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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