Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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