She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
