Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
