Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
