exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
