we're blogging at a bar
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
