You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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