I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
