I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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