I just saw a hot homeless man
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
