guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
