There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
