I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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