how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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