Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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