Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
