OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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