Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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