i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
