none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
