The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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