saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
