i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
