Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
