Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
