Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
