Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
