Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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