i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize