im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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