she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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