Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize